Love & Sex
Question for the Love & Relationship Expert
"I am 25 years old and have just split up with my partner of 7 years. I want to get back on the dating scene and have looked at Internet dating. I am worried about the first date intimacy."
Carole Says...
I can appreciate your concern and even though not everyone is looking for sex on the first time they meet, it is likely that some men and women may expect it. Prior to your date, be clear about exactly what you want, what is acceptable to you, and what isn't. When you initially meet your internet date, it is really important that you do not give them the wrong signals. Initially, maybe arrange to go for a coffee and make it clear that you have to go on to another appointment afterwards. Never be tempted to let them take you home, against your better judgement. Next time around, perhaps arrange to go for lunch and appreciate that they are likely to respect you more when you set the tone for your dates.
Question for the Love & Relationship Expert
"I feel that my relationship is draining me, as if I am putting in all the effort but not getting anything back. How do I know we are going to make it through to the commitment stage?"
Carole Says...
Every relationship is unique and people come together for many different reasons. Both parties need to be able to have honest and direct conversations. Some couples talk things out quietly while others may raise their voices. The key to a strong relationship is to not be fearful of conflict or retaliation when expressing yourself. Keep outside interests and long-term friendships outside your relationships alive as this can bring new insights and stimulation to your partnership. But, in the end, talking through likes, dislikes, challenges and expectations, is the key!
Question for the Love & Relationship Expert
"I am in my 50's and have had several one-night stands in the last few months. I am worried I may have picked up a STD sexually transmitted disease] as we did not use a condom."
Carole Says...
I really appreciate that this is a difficult situation for you and is probably very worrying for you. Most UK National Health Service hospitals have walk-in STD clinics that are confidential with no names required. Get yourself checked out as soon as possible and in the future, only agree to having protected sex.
Question for the Love & Relationship Expert
"My partner has been looking at porn online and wants me to participate in group sex with one some friends. The idea does not appeal to me and I am concerned that if I do not agree, then our relationship will end."
Carole Says...
This is one of those times when it is all down to communicating with each other and making the time to do so, which, is not when you are in the middle of a row! Ask questions such as, why is there a need for someone else in your sexual relationship? Is there something lacking between you both? What else could you do together to stimulate each other? Is it a deal breaker if you say 'no'? Depending on these answers and how you feel will determine the future of your relationship.
Discuss the implications of bringing another person into your bedroom and think about how you might both react. There needs to be complete trust in any relationship and you live with the consequences if this trust is destroyed.